The year 2013 has been a bittersweet one. As Rob nears his second birthday, I have especially been reflecting on this year and all of the good and not-so-good it has brought to our family. First for the good:
Jamie and I got to watch our Baby Rob turn into Little Rob and closing out the year in the sometimes 'advanced-for-his-age' Terrible Twos Rob. He has been such a blessing to us and he makes us laugh everyday. I always knew I would love being a mother but I was not prepared for how much joy, happiness and wonder it actually brings me. Rob has taught me a lot over the last two years.
He has taught me patience (I was never really good at that one). As anyone with young children knows, they are hard-headed, snotty-nosed and just plain not willing to do a thing you say. Rob's favorite words these days are "NO!" and "MINE!" just like every other two year old and at times I have to hide the giggles from sight when he acts as hard headed as his Momma.
He has taught me how to live in the moment. I am working on not dwelling on the past and also not worrying myself to death about the future. This one is hard for me. However, Rob is a 'I've got things to do, people to see and places to be' little man and he continues to show me that life is FUN and to not take a single day for granted.
He has taught me how to see things through the eyes of child. Watching him discover new things, smell new smells, taste new tastes NEVER fails to amaze me. I love this one. I could watch him and all his toddler quirkiness all day if I could and if that didn't make me a little obsessed. Ok...I am a little.
He has taught me that I am a hoarder. I do not throw ANY of his paintings/colorings/crafts from school away. I am still wondering how I'm going to store all of those 'beautiful' pieces once there are one thousand of them?!
He has taught me how to forgive more easily. Toddlers are notorious for their all-out, kicking and screaming and possibly throwing oneself into the ground tantrums. They can be SO mad at you one second for doing something that has apparently turned their world upside down and then the next (or maybe 20 screaming minutes later) they will crawl right up into your lap and give you one of those unforgettable toddler hugs and tell you they love you. We as adults should try to be as forgiving of others. Sometimes that is easier said than done. But he has taught me to remember to try harder.
I could go on and on but I won't. So lastly, he has taught me that I have been blessed with a wonderful, loving partner in this wild ride called parenting. Jamie is an amazing father to Rob and the way that Rob looks at him makes my heart swell. Rob has brought this little family closer together and shown us the awesomeness of unconditional love. I am so glad to have these two boys. They are my world.
Now on to the not-so-good from the year 2013.
I found out I was pregnant in January 2013. We were overjoyed. This is how I told Jamie we were pregnant; not by the picture but by Rob climbing into his arms for his morning milk with this shirt on:
Everything was going great and we made it to the end of the infamous first trimester without a problem. Then, at our 12 week scan we found out that we had lost our little one just a few days prior. We were devastated. After the problems we had conceiving Rob and going through all of that fertility mess and then having a rather uncomplicated pregnancy with Rob, I just knew that everything was going perfectly and we would be a family of four in September/October 2013. That was not in God's plan though. We later found out that it was a little girl. That was a hard pill to swallow.
We then had a rough patch of trying to put the pieces back together. We have been told that men and women grieve differently and we were doing just that. We were sad for ourselves and sad for Rob. But we had not given up hope. We worked through that rough time and came out of it stronger.
In July, we find out we were pregnant AGAIN! Cue the complete excitement again! YAY! We have another shot!! How blessed we felt. We had just bought a new house and were in the process of remodeling it, so this is how I told Jamie this time that we were pregnant. I taped this to the door of what would will be the nursery at the new house:
We found out at 7 weeks that it was more than likely identical twins!? Excuse me...what did you just say?! FOUR feet??!! However, one of the twins had stopped developing. The other had a heartbeat but not as strong as she would have liked. Here we go again. We had another ultrasound a week later and things were looking up. Dr. S was very positive but wanted me to be monitored again the next week still. The next week's ultrasound showed us what we have come to dread in walking into that office...no heartbeat. We lost another little girl at 9 weeks.
So 2013 has been a bittersweet one. Since the last miscarriage we have been focusing on having some fun and making Rob the center of attention (not that he spends a second anywhere else)! We just got back from a fun birthday trip to Vegas and will be enjoying our family of three for the rest of the year. Maybe 2014 is the year Rob will get a little brother or sister. Here's to hoping!!
